Lose Weight Fast With Anna Bimbodumbkoff
67
“Привет любимые” !!
In English I just say “Hello Darlings to you”. Excuse that I switch from Russian to English at particular times but my English some-times no good darlinks. I come here to Hubpages specially to address little porkers,..... oh sorry darlinks, I mean New Yorkers, all мужчины (men), женщины (women) with weight problem, to tell secrets for skinny bodies, you like?? As you know my name is Anna Karabimboff, born in Voronezh, Russia. I forced to flee my country one year ago, chased by advertising company Gilette, big company of shavers, wanting to shave my body for extra big television campaign. Afraid they take hair from my famous body, I flee Soviet Union, and I be here in Australia now, you like, ya. In Voronezh, I study weight loss in local school with big books, and upon graduation I star in my own show "Shed Fat With Anna." I now share secrets with you, get you skinny in less than year, ya you think good?
1. KNOW HOW / WHEN YOU BECAME HIPPOPOTAMUS
КАК ВЫ СТАЛИ ЖИРНЫМИ? (HOW DID YOU GET SO FAT?)
You need think how you got big bum, round belly in first place darlinks. I was born thin like peg, but in early twenties got engaged to nice man Biff Wellington, who break my heart, when he run off with gay man Dan Druff, owner of big pig-farm in my country. I reach for food, day, night, stuff in rectum, excuse English, I mean mouth spectrum, and soon I expand velly fast. Maybe gay man, gay woman, deep depression cause you to be fat too. Any-way I not really give 'shit', I mean 'care', sorry again, I say wrong words, local Australian man Hugh Jass, been teaching me English, in spare time. He say 'shit' often when I stretch arms up high exercising, when he see my underarm hair, so I gather 'shit' mean nice thing, ya. Don't worry darlinks how you get fat, ya, I just write this paragraph to look good ya?
2. NO-MORE GREASY FOOD FROM BAD SHOPS
СКАЖИТЕ НЕ СУРРОГАТНОЙ ПИЩЕ (SAY NO TO JUNK FOOD)
Not Eat List;
1. Fat
2. No oils( you can still buy massage oil from big shops)
3. No meat from butchers. Too much fat on chook legs.(never trust man who work in meat shop he only want your money. Buy bigger land, grow your own animals, then get man-friend to whack on head when you need.... ya)
4. Pies ( Russian pieroshki ok mate...I learn phrase from Hugh Jass, Australian drover, good yes)
5. Hamburgers, say no to greasy chip from man with red nose, red afro hair and white face. ( He try and trick and lure you with limp fry....no trust this ex-circus man no no)
6. No sugar drinks( Beer ok.... I hear Hugh Jass say "It's beaut mate".)
7. Chocolate ( Only if big box of chocolate given to you from a nice rich man. You then smile nice at man and invite inside, and show breasts...how you say in English....so sorry... show to guests)
* A TIP FOR LADIES ONLY...... HUGH HAS TOLD ME WOMEN NEED MORE SEMEN IN DIET. HUGH VERY HELPFUL MAN, I LEARN MUCH SINCE I STAY IN HIS HOUSE.
3. TAKE UP NEW HABIT TO BREAK EATING HABIT
ПОДНИМИТЕ ДРУГИЕ ПРИВЫЧКИ (TAKE UP NEW HABITS)
Anna's Ideas;
1. Smoking (Hugh velly thin man, he puffs on smoke 24hour day, he says smoking good to keep thin. I seen in news smoking not good on health but Hugh look velly good in nude ya )
2. Become Sex Addict ( Anna like this velly much. While вращение (rolling) between teats...I apologise..sheets darlinks it keeps mind from food and keeps thighs very slim. Woman needs to learn extortion positions...excuse me again...contortionist positions for full benefits.)
3. Become PC Addict ( make money online women weight losers and save big profits from not having time to munch munch, crunch crunch. Good sign for internet women to place on new web-site is....I demonstrate darlinks...see below for details
HOT SEXY RUSSIAN MAIL ORDER BRIDE
PHONE 094126578 ( calls are charged at $4.95 minute)
* Extra 'tit'..excuse me...'tip'...is as body shrink..women have smaller breast..no good..no darlinks. Save penny in big 'fart'...oh so sorry..'jar'... and save for EE breast 'ejaculation'...no no...'implantation'...as friendly men with big 'butts'...oh 'bucks' excuse my English....like to 'google' oh so sorry 'ogle' on dating site. Oh such big sentences I speak, excuse while I go drink water ya.....Pretty good 'tits'...oo..'tips' so far...u like??
4. HUMP IT..SO SORRY..PUMP IT..
ОСУЩЕСТВЛЕНИЕ каждый день ( GET OFF FAT BUTT EVERYDAY WORKOUT HARD)
1. Pump big weights ( up, down, get 'humping book'...so sorry..'pumping book'..you learn ok can't bother much to teach you...ok...velly good
2. Take it doggy ( buy small dog, walk on lead in streets everyday, carry poop scooper all times
3. Trampoline bouncing ( jump up down, I do myself, ya darlinks, to see what Hugh doing next door with женщина (woman) who has much plumbing problems ya)
4. Build erections ( go through out-door bush, walk much then erect 'trent'...so sorry..'tent'..velly good hobby and fat 'deduction'..oh 'reduction' exercise.)
5.Swimming ( Hugh say if women wear no costume in water it help lose more calories ya....)
6. Yoghurt..sorry Yoga ( Bend body many position..many books in shop talk Yoga many helps. Hugh ties my legs to bed posts....he says helps hold stretch position...Hugh good man)
* I run out of time now, I have to meet with film director for talks of making exercise video for market, so wonderful news darlinks. Take Anna's advice, you soon drop to small size ya..thankyou again..thankyou...I hope you like. До свидания и goodluck!!!!!
© Deb Murray 2009
Please Feel Free To Leave Your CommentsLoading...
Oh FP I velly velly happy to hear u luvs ur chocolate I luvs velly much too can not live without ROFL
I understand that small hula hoops are very good weight reducers for women. you where them as ear-rings and then hook your' t.......well, I'm sure you've got the idea.
Cheers, TOF
Lol OF that has gone right over my head, please forgive me blondeness, I am trying to picture what my ear-rings are hooked to, and if they are small hula hoops how they would fit to the size of my lobes...please come back and explain the hidden meaning to me Iimplore you ROFL
LMAO is a good way to loose a few pounds. :D
You hook yer tootsies into them and assume a position similar to the fat bloke in the #1 photo.
OMG! I laughed so hard at this hub, learned several new things too. Loved it!
ROFLMAO!!!! You are the Woman BP!!! Da?
Nose looks the same trooper. So she's not a natural blonde?
You like PM? You velly velly good man, you and Hugh have drinks sometime ROFL
Oh my TOF I knew it had to be along those lines,haha, I am sure Anna velly good at that....you would not want to get stuck like that haha.
Oh dear LB, I am thrilled that Anna has given you some tips, she will be over the moon to know. She would talk to you personally but she is very conscious of her bad English xo
Oh Trooper da da, you impress me velly much with your Russian knowledge, you impress me full stop LMAO.
Nose!!!!Oh my Old FIrm!!! Oh no Anna and I,..... oh goodness no, we are nothing alike. I shave my underarms for starters, a little similar Russian blood perhaps, gawd I hope her other bits are not like those armpits!!!
Anna's been over at my Boob hub looking for the name of a good plastic surgeon....says she wants EEE's so her boobs will stick out farther than her belly. Hey Deb join me for a minute on the Skype.....if you can.
It would not surprise me that she has been lurking over there at your Hub Blue, that woman is insatiable, I taught her everything I know, I so velly sorry can't at moment it 1.00am in morn here and got gate-crashers sleeping in bags all over couch and floor so I am sneaking around house like a mouse ROFL, I will be on in morn for sure.
You running a brothel.....oh so velly velly sorry....excuse English...I mean Hostel? I was wanting to tell you about the "HOT" hub thing.....you had 2 hubs there and I notice it really helps the traffic. Click on hubs at the top and then on hot.....the most viewed hubs show up in order of the individual hub score.....like your boots hub has or had a score of 98...it has been as high as #2 on the hot list.....My Boobs was only up to #14...and you had another there as well.....we'll talk about it later...I have some other ideas for you as well.
I can really reckommend Anna as a trainer. I have lost 150 pounds in 6 weeks since I started working with her, and am already having success picking up the young gentlemens!
Go Anna - you're SUCH a Schveetie!
Oh... I remember that image of you...how funny.
Well Deb!!! LOL!! This was way to funny!! I love Hugh.. he has such great tips! I adore ya!!
Someone needs to braid those pits. :O
Thank You velly velly much Blue I will go look, I appreciate the help, my mind has multiple personalities running around, can't shake the picture of those hairy wax-able armpits from head..yaxo
Oh my Blondpoet we meet again darlinks. That is amazing to hear of your incredible weight-loss, I bet that went down well with your meeting with Sixty, he would have been beside himself with all those gorgeous curves. You indeed are a walking testament that Anna's methods although quite primitive really do work. Oh you go knock em out with those light bulbs of yours woo hoo.x0
Oh BC, thanks a million. truly, just as well I am not wearing a hat my head is swelling so quickly ROFL. You are too kind..... :)
Oh Cabin Girl, Anna will be thrilled to hear that other women have adopted the no-shave trend for which she holds famous in her hometown. Love ya too CB, and so does Anna in all her glory.xo
haha Candie, he is quite a man isn't he. God- help Anna who swears of his honourable intentions incessantly. Love ya too, so happy Anna could be of some help to you. xo
ROFL you know Paper Moon I only was thinking that a few hours back, imagining rolling little curlers in those long strands, fantasising of all the neat Hair-dressing tricks I could do. Great minds think alike xo
girl this was too funny! I was laughing my ass off the whole time. LOVED IT!!
Wow, Blondepoet!!! This is too funny! No, I couldn't control myself, I practically did cartwwheels from laughter. I don't why Ronald got arrested maybe because of his red hair. hehe. Ronnie needs a makeover and maybe Anna should do it. She works wonders, da?
This diet system would be hard to follow through. I had to give up all my favorite foods and start a new habit of smoking, saving for a boob job, become a sexaholic, and go through humping exercise!? LOL
BTW, I remember that funny video.
Oh I am so glad Pach, Anna velly funny woman ROFL, I wonder how many men like the hairy armpit look?, have come across a few before, Hugh obviously digs it....(hugs)x
Haha RK you too speak Russian, you not only can barn dance, but I now discover you speak a foreign tongue, I should recommend you to Anna to be an extra in her new fitness video. Yes Ronald is looking a little out dated, luring the public with limp fries, oh the shame (hugs)x
Haha May now that is funny as I can almost visualise you doing the above, her ways are pretty radical I must admit, I think that is why Anna and I get on so well, our ideas are very similar da!!! (hugs)x
Heeheeheeheehee *wipes tear* oh, I love coming to see what you've got going on over here. It's true what they say ~ you are not only a knockout, but a riot as well!
Aww thanks RooBee I try velly velly hard to do best ya, you come again....velly good. xo You velly nice girl in ButtPages..so sorry..Hubpages xox
I too managed to loose 150 ugly pounds that had been bothering me for months. She parted on the worst of terms. I was suitably relieved.
You've undoubtedly heard of the blonde bimbo limping down the street all doubled up and in obvious pain? She had her hairs in curlers for a heavy date.
L&K TOF
Hugh Jass sounds like a good guru.
ROFL TOF you undoubtedly would have felt much lighter. I loved the blonde jokes ya. You tell velly velly good joke. I seem to recall losing 150 pounds a few years ago, just had to get it off my chest so to speak lol. xo
Oh hey there GT oh a guru he is!!!! He is the man that all Aussie men aspire to be actually. He is so kind to take in the Russian immigrants, got to give him that xo
omg this is to funny but i have cut down on my smoking so that will not work for me but i do not think this diet is the one for me lol lost my weight by using fatblaster i think that is a better way lol but then again all diets are a bit funny
Well Gees sus. That anna is one horny lookin sheila. She is so hot I wrekon I could fry an egg on that scrawny little chest of ers.
Now that hughjass of yours never done told me about her ,now I fink Im in luv.
I mite just hafta give her a touch up.!
.......er... wif me shears . ;-)
LMAO Isis Anna has mentioned if you are interested attending her Yoghurt classes ...Yoga classes, to give her a call..So glad you enjoyed this gibberish (hugs)
Haha Hairy, you know I reckon you and Hugh would get on like a house on fire. I heard on the grapevine, that you have given him a few ideas ot two, if you are anything like him, you are the man Hairy. DArn even if you aren't you rock anyway.....(hugs)
oh my anna is so kind i would love to
Oh my God, its 530 in the morning and I shouldnt be laughing so hard this early. You truly have talent, Ok I have to clean up the coffee I spit all over the place
Cheers
Strewth I jest cant stay away from youse sheilas. Hey between hugh and me and the gate post could you arks Anna if in her Yoget classes she does any of that there Carmen Suetra stuff. Keep it under ya hat cos I dont want it gettin around that Im into that fancy dancin stuff. I'm just tryin to polish up my techneke, HOK.
(Hello Isis) I am Anna on Hutpage this morning, I no do Hugh today, I come see you darlink, I 'pilled'..so sorry..'thrilled' you join my Yoghurt class...ya....I teach you many tricks...I get new Yoghurt books today...you come join ya
Good morning Dale oh you velly sexy man, Anna like velly much, you have wifey no? I come your house ya?
Good morning 'fairy'..so sorry 'Hairy'....oh you velly sexy Austrian man I like much, Hugh look sow much like you ya? Oh da da you come join class now da, I wait for you to 'come in glass'...so sorry 'come to class'...oh excuse me velly much...I not upset you...I learn more English more every day.....I know Carmen Suetra well da, I study...I give private class for you today...hurry you come..
Oh Blonde, pure brilliance and I LURVE your choice of pics!
OMG!! You are Brilliant, Miss Poet! At first sight, Anna Karabimbof, reminded me of a tree-hugger from the Rocky Mountains whom was captured, drugged, completely disillusioned by Gucci... himself!! Yet, read on.. I am awestruck!! : D
Haha Cindy gawd if we were half as sexy as Anna, we would be completely snowed under wouldn't we??? (hugs)
LMAO Jodi, I thought for a second you were going to say she reminds you of a tree, with those long black vines protruding from her pits. They say there are men that like that look, I say God help them haha.(hugs)
someone asked me if I wanted to lose 50 ugly lbs. quickly...I said yes.."cut your head off" was the answer.......so i never did take it off...and me no give up me chocolate either..velly velly sorry...You are just the silliest woman I know (well we don't know each other) but you know what I mean....:O) :O) Hugs
ya i come and join
Good evening G-Ma that bad man say bout your head not velly nice, you no head, you no live, ya, no live, no rich man come see you with gift in pants. I hook you up with velly rich man I see on my date website, you like ya.
Oh so good Isis, you got velly bewtiful name, like flower ya.
ya but prefer goddess lol
Isis I find good man for you, Hugh many friends, I find one with many green bills in pants for you, you no worry, I do now....
So did you get to touch her pit hairs? Fantastic. I'm prespired, excuse, inspired to let mine grow now. Carrying all that weight must help shed pounds as well.
oh yes Frieda I rolled the strands in little curlers to get that nice wave for her photograph ROFL. x0x
super_uckin believe it! awesome hub!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROFL thanks so much for such an awesome comment. Cheers!!!!!
I am speechless at the sight of that quiviet under her arms.
Haha C.C I am good at special effects aren't I ROFL?
Yes you are indeed girl. Woo-hoo Now special effect me once, maybe twice. hehe *slowly releasing the thingy most in need*
What glorious armpits! I'm surprised this young lady hasn't attracted the attention of the Ozzie sheep shearers! I'm sure you could get a jumper or two out of such high quality fleece. BP you've excelled yourself. I'm sure we'll all be 'russian' to buy the exercise video too!
Haha C.C you make me laugh every time you talk to me without doubt, I can actually here your chuckle as you speak, I remember your voice distinctly, and that little ole song .You are a treasure absolutely xo
ROFL Amanda oh but she has,... that Hairy Ass from Oz is completely smitten with her. Poor misguided man haha. Thank-you so much for your wonderful comment, it means much to me. Will be sure to beep you when the video hits the market, god help us all LMAO xox
You are a talent. Does this stuff just flow out, like the hair on those armpits?
Looks like this hub has legs to carry it far.
Well Jewels it sure does. I have no control over it whatsoever it just comes out randomly when it desires. That is about all I am sure of lol. xo
I hope so Blue hopefully catch you soon, I have insomnia again grrrrrr...xo
Oh my gosh, you are so funny. ROFLMAO!!! Great HUb.
Thanks a million UK, ROFL I try my best, love writing comedy. x0
This sort of reminded me of The Comedy Company and Sveta and Victor the Russian newsreaders. Can't think of a Russian without Sveta telling Victor he's a very unattractive man!
Wow Jewels I never saw that. I did a role for theatre for "Phantom Of The Music Hall', a few years ago where I played the part of a new Australian woman, she was wild this woman, I did not want to let her go after it was finished. When I started doing this all the memories flooded back ....aghhh. xox
Was her name Sveta? Here you go, I found it. Remember Fast Forward. This whole vid is funny and Sveta and Victor are in the last 2 minutes of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fih9xKhFxmY
It may give you inspiration to write about this lot. Kath & Kym stem from these good ol' days.
Oh fantastic Jewels, you are the bees knees for coming back to give me the link. Yahooo. I am going to put my feet up on my desk, I have a nice cold Bourbon right here, grab some popcorn and give the link a whirl. It sounds like my kind of humour alreasy. Thanks again for being so sweet. xoxo
Thanks a lot for great post.
Thanks for the humor!
Thanks WestVes
No problems LC, and thankyou for coming by, you are welcome anytime xo
too damn funny, great work!
Thanks a lot C.S Alexis glad you had a laugh. :)
The art of writing good helpful content in a humorous way is not very common. Where did you learn to write like this?
Lol Ultimate Hubber I did not learn it anywhere, it is just all stored up inside me.
Blondepoet, this hub is so instructive! And I love the phot of the cute young couple at the beach, she is such a nice girl to date a one legged man!
Aww Dolores you are such a gem. Haha yes that girl certainly has compassion for that poor man, mind you, you and I would do the same thing for a one legged man. xox
Aww Dolores you are such a gem. Haha yes that girl certainly has compassion for that poor man, mind you, you and I would do the same thing for a one legged man. xox
When you write hub, blonde woman who is poet? In Merikah, we no like forest in pits. Woman she use Nair to burn forest down. Which you rather be? Nair or scare? Cause you scare poor Ivan.
You funny poet woman, ya? Ya. Make the big laugh from Ivan!
Ivan darlink you no speak a de English eh? I don't know what the bell...so sorry...hell..you talk to me about. You trying to burn Anna's armpit forests down, oh no, no, dat Anna's snake tit..oh so sorry..how u say in english...Anna's snake pit ya darlink. Ohh you gud looking man ya, you come see Anna in Yoghurt class, oh so velly nice.
Hi Blondepoet. I bet those aliens wouldn't be able to resist Ana's hairy pits, so warm and cozy. :D
It's great chatting with you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxooxoxoxo
Haha Raven they are probably looking into breeding in there, such nice nesting material. Great chatting with you too. Those darn UFOS are still menacing my office, can't get id of them lol. xoxoxxoxo
What was that old Saturday Night Live Schwarzenegger spoof?
"We're gonna hump you up!" Oh, so sorry, "pump you up."
This is a riot. Thanks, BP
Oh gee thanks Tom we sure are going to "hump you up".
Ooops I mean "pump you up". I expect we shall see you excel in Anna's yoghurt classes. Great to see you as always. (hugs)
so funny LOL
Oh thank-you my darlinx Lgali you come again ya. xoxo
this is one of the very articles that I call BEST and INTERESTING to read. I think I should read it more and more and I will not feel tired! GOOD
Hey Mukana lol so glad you approved of Anna's sound and womanly advice. :)
You're a riot. Everything was choice. Videos- great. Thanks
You velly nice man Mickey,I thinks you should come to yoghurt class, so sorry, yoga class, and I show you good moves, ya darlinks.
Not only do you translate into Russian in this hub, but you have a picture of Semen flavored Wheat Bread? Wouldn't that by definition make it white bread? I am so confused.
I am not really looking to lose weight, but should I ever need a crash course due to excess and gluttony...I think Anna might be the last person for me to call.
She would probably put me on a 'Bread and Water' diet...
Oh BP, just when I think the world us right side up, you turn it all upside down again. You wicked wicked lady. =)
Haha Blake you like Anna ya, oh she so velly beautiful darlinks. SHe told me she wants to take you to velly outback place and have her way with you, oh god knows what you are in for. Russian came easy for me both my parents were Russian LMAO.
Hilarious! I love it! Puts my weight loss advice hub too shame!
Excellent, informative, FUNNY! See, weight loss doesn't have to be a downer, it can be FUN.
LMAO Phillbert Anna sends her love :)
Oh Holli how right you are working out with Anna is never dull x
 | Amazon Price: $2.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $0.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $4.37 List Price: $5.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $1.00 |
 | Amazon Price: $9.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $0.99 |
More From This Author
- The Sexiest Men On Hub-Pages
FINALLY AFTER MUCH PROCRASTINATION THE TRUTH IS REVEALED There was much pressure placed upon my wee self to construct this eye-opening, hub bonanza. Indeed it was a gruelling chore to flick through numerous... - Goodbye To Rape And Hello To Love Again
I was only fourteen when they raped me. I was laying innocently with my boyfriend on the beach late one night. I should never have been there, NEVER - ADD SOME MAGIC TO YOUR SEX-LIFE
'Your lips speak soft sweetness, your touch a cool caress I am lost in your magic, my heart beats within your chest'.Let's face it, sex lives can become mundane especially if familiarity has crept in.. - The Tales Of Bobby Popzilla
Thought it was bout' time I brought a little piece of Australia to your hearts. I am honoured to pay tribute to a great Aussie legend, Bobby Popzilla. Grab your stubby and sit back me mates. Deadset, this is the Dinky-di.!!! - Blondes Have More Fun
BLONDES A FASCINATION 'Sexy,beautiful,dizzy,natural,bleached,dotty,captivating,bleached,wonderful,crazy sensual, alluring.' Come celebrate with me today into the extraordinary, happy yet sometimes tragic life... - The Funniest People Who Have Walked This Planet
Today I most humbly present my own collection of some of the most funniest people who have graced this planet.They are the legends that have the ability to make me laugh the hardest, they are indeed my favourites - The World's Most Amazing Women
Some bizarre, some amazing, they all have one thing in common. These women are World Record holders for their own unique category. These particular female record holders caught the attention of my eye, as I am sure they will do with you - Hubber's Celebrity Look-A -Likes
Ever thought you resembled someone famous. When you look at that handsome, rugged clean-shaved face in the mirror do you see a Clint Eastwood staring back at you? They say everyone looks like someone and here on Hubpages it applies - A Woman's Guide To Finding Self-Esteem
Remember there is always some-one to love you for who you are, you don't have to mould yourself to some-one's ideal. If you believe in yourself then those around you will believe in you too. - A Blonde, A Brunette And A Red-head's World Adventure Of A Life-time
Let me share with you the “Holiday Of A Life-time”, the saga of a blonde, a brunette and a red-head, who painted the world red. - The Sexiest Woman's Boots In The World
In the world of a woman dwells two of the most sexiest styles of boots. They are the sexy knee-high style boot and without exception the wicked thigh-high variety. Knee high boots appeared in the fashion... - Oh My What Dress Will I Wear
A look at the changing face of fashion all the way back to the man eating Cleopatra to the current era, where as we all know anything goes.
Feline Prophet Level 5 Commenter 2 years ago
Velly velly funny but I no give up chocolate!